Tag: jokes

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite Year

Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurts

The basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarse power

2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Me: What’s wrong? Wife: You’re not supposed to say you have a favorite child. Me: Everyone does secretly. Wife: Well it should at least be one of ours.

Tomorrow is Groundhog’s Day. There’s so much hoopla about this whole event. I sure hope everyone gets their Phil.

My Punny Parody Movies- * Julie Andrews leaves Austria and takes a job running an elevator in the Empire State Building in “The Sound Of Muzac.” * Tom Hanks reprises his role as a simple man who leaves the shrimping business to start a blooming plants shop in “Florist Gump”. * Richard Dreyfuss is surrounded…

Mary was such a sweetheart. A pillar of the community, always doing good deeds, everyone in town just loved her. Mr. Jones across the hall loved her too. He always enjoyed coming over for breakfast and a little morning conversation, and Mary found him to be good company. Then one sad morning, sadly, Mr. Jones…

A wizard asked me to proofread one of his scrolls last week but actually, it was more of a spell check.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

Child: “Dad, are we pyromaniacs?” Father: “Yes, we arson.”

Torture is coming up with a pun that you can’t post due to its subject matter. This is a no pun and shut case

I was an accountant from the age of 21 until I was sacked for no apparent reason at the age of 30. Total waste of 14 years.

A Hootenanny