Tag: jokes

Every holiday season there’s a big promotional push for Egg Nog – the holiday favorite. I’ve never tried it, nor do I know if it’s any good. I just don’t know if I’d even like it. I guess you could consider me an Egg Nostic.

There’s no difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer.   It’s all a matter of taste. 

The writers took Bram Stoker’s original Dracula story and totally revamped it.

JUST HAD COFFEE AT THE CANNIBAL DINER… IT WAS A GREAT CUP OF ‘JOE’!!

Dan was walking home from a Halloween party at his friends house, when he heard a thumping noise behind him. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. When Dan turned around he saw it was a coffin behind him. Dan started walking quicker but the THUMPS were still right behind him. Soon Dan was running, the coffin started…

Dead Penguins – I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The…

A group of chickens was driving in a German-made car. The driver told endless, rambling stories, taking advantage of her… Captive Audi hens.

In the early 1700s, the captain of a Spanish pirate ship was very proud of his mongrel pet for its ability to bark once for “Si,” and twice for “No.” After being captured by a British commander, the dog was taught the same trick in English. He thereby became the world’s first “Si” and “Aye”…

Rabbi: ‘I’ve Recovered from my illness, so now I am writing poetry.’ Abe: ‘Hm! From bed to verse!’

I just ate a map of Montana and now I feel MT inside.

I’ve always wondered if Bon Jovi has a sister named Anne…

Me (to a friend): So, how many years of service will you have when you retire next month? Friend: 33 and a half Me: Too bad it isn’t 33 and a third —that would be a record!

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops common sense and good ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer shows little sign of breaking down in the near future – unfortunately. Girafitti: Vandalism spray painted very, very, high up… Sarchasm: The mental gulf between the author of sarcastic…

I have a rabbit’s foot that was my great great grandfather’s that was passed down to me. It’s a family hareloom.

Two sea monsters were swimming around the ocean, looking for something to do. They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes. Bob, the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over and ate everything on the ship. A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes. Bob…

The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

1 millionth of a mouthwash solution = 1 microscope

The amount of time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

The weight an evangelist carries with G-d = 1 billigram

The time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knotfurlong